I guess there's a lot i hav to catch up on...
I should probably start by letting u all know i didnt get into st.aloysious for like 1 point ptx..and i got a phonecall from drea dat morning and she told me basically im on the waiting list...and i was like =O nooo... my life is ruinnedd!!
*dramaaa*....(it was so dramatic not coz im so pro sac and anti jc..but coz i had been lazy and not bothered applying at jc assuming id be in for sure)...
and basically that morning i was totally in shock becoz life was so unfair...after i had done all my work...guys with much less points than me get my place...it just didnt seem right..but i had to digest it..
so whilst i was crying dat morning..i decided to talk to God since i had no1 else to go to coz i was alone at home...and also becoz i was readin a book called God on mute....and God rly seemed to be on mute or at least just taking my life on a completely different road than i had expected..
[b4 i go on.. i want to point out dat like..i wasnt alone coz my friends were like amasing dat morning..all being very supportive and stuff xD..soo a big thank u to everyone i spoke to dat day dat was rly helpful! but still dey coudlnt give wat God did...xD]
So this is what my conversation with God was like that morning:
"Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do
what God requires;
God will satisfy them fully." Matt.5:6
Somehow i have a peace that you're near..
I pray that you use my life even if it means surrendering
and leaving everything behind!
Im confused but I'm excited
coz i know you thought of all of this..
and somehow you thought this is what would give you the most glory!
And you knew this would satisfy me!
Yet i feel like a small, scared, timid creature..
not daring to show its face and to let the world know
i wish i didnt fail...
It's funny though.. how i alrady feel so much closer to You Lord...
I know im close to Your heart and i can feel Your embrace!
"Clap your hands all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.
How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King overall the earth.
Sing praises to God, sing praises."Ps.47:1-2
I've gotta keep singing, i've got to keep praising Your name
That's the only way that i'll find healing!
Can i climb up in your lap; i dont want to leave
Jesus sing over me; You're all i need!
lord i pray to you in songs, coz my heart is not sure how to say much more!
(Your love makes me forget what i have been,...it makes me see who i really am...I need You to Love me!)
*that was a tad bit long..but basically thats how i was feeling...and it rly did help me learn to praise thru everything..even things i dnt understand coz dats d only way to get thru these things..and also becoz God remains who He is no matter what our circumstances are..so he still deserves to be praised whether things are going our way or not! xD*
Moving on...a few months ago i got all pissy at my dgroup..coz sum stuff they had said had disturbed me..and so i wrote a sorta poem to them which im going to share now...its sorta about how Christianity is actually somehting quite hard..what with persecutions and all..and sometimes we imagine it to be all candycoated like evrything else in this world..but it isnt...*my dgroup knows how much i love them and how i wrote this poem thingy in love and not in an angry way so i hope u all understand it in this way too*
What are you people?
Ur like trampolines! Up..down.. Any consistency anywhere?!
Christianity is all a bunch of lies you say..
It shows how you’ve totally misunderstood it..
Who ever said it was about fun and games and fuzzy feelings…
You’ve got it all wrong…
Sure that’s the attitude Jesus had in the Garden of Olives..
When he was bleeding sweat with anxiety…
Sure, He told His Father, “is this what Christianity is all about?!”…
“there’s nothing good about this feeling!..
where are you?..must I do all this…
For a bunch of ungrateful people?”
The fact is He did.. The fact is God is God…
No matter who you are and what you’re doing or going through
Who he is doesn’t change..
And that’s why we need Him…
and the least He deserves is us…
So all these misconceptions of what Christianity is..
They really pissed me off.. Haven’t you learned anything?...
Haven’t you realized that not one human in the bible had it easy…
Haven’t you ever wondered or thought before going on this quest..
That it is hard…
but it wont be easier as a non-Christian…
That it involves sacrifice… I mean…Daniel… was thrown in the lions den..
“is this what following God is about?” I can hear him say…
“I’m going to be ripped into smithereens and made fun of”…
And to be quite frank every other Bible person…
Could have had this attitude that we have…
But the point is life’s not about us..
Christianity is not about us…
The point is…It’s about God…
And we’re just lucky that he cares about us…
The point is we’re all going to die…
And then what will happen?...
Will we go to hell and ask God why the puffy feelings are gone?
How can we question things we’ve experienced…
If I’ve felt god’s love…and I know…
not just feel That God loves me and that I need Him…
How can rough times cause us to doubt so much..
And to put ourselves and our King down so much?
He cares where we spend eternity..
And wants us to enjoy life…
Which is why he created simple pleasures like dancing, friends and family…
That the devil is constantly trying to remove and hide… Coz he hates us!
“Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him most.” C.S. Lewis
Does commitment and sacrifice and suffering
come into this Christianity picture of yours?
Or is it just about miracles and comfort…
When will we get our hands dirty..
And stop focusing on our selves…
Yet take the time to stop and think about our future…
Our lives… and all we need to be to fulfill our calling
And don’t get me wrong… I am totally disgusted at your attitudes…
But I totally pity you for this misconception you’ve lived with…
For so long…
We’ll never truly understand who God is…
Which is why I think we really need to praise God…
For who He is… And not for who we think He is.
What God has given us in our lives…
Our gifts, friends and families…
Our His not ours…
And this totally takes off any pressure or burden…
My brains aren’t mine… They’re God’s…
so however I do in my O’ levels
I know He’ll be pleased because he’s seen how I’ve tried…
If I write a song or dance a dance…
They’re God’s gifts…
which I am simply giving back to Him…
Everything’s His and He is in control…
While we just float about and drift through days which feel useless..
He’s watching over..
And I’m not feeling that either…
But I know… because I guess God has given me the grace to know…
That He is there…
and I know what He’s got me through
Even if it means weeks or years of silence on His end …
in the end He always has seen me through..
And I trust that these next weeks…
which will be some of the hardest weeks of our lives…
Are His to use… and His to live…
and I’m praying for you all guys and I love you all!
You see i posted this..coz i guess i needed to hear these words i had once written again... i needed to be reminded dat it is going to be hard being a christian..but it is worth it!...
Tonight when i started praying i was bitter about the things going on in life atm...but God took that away this evening...I'm a new person who has just learnt a lesson or 2!...and if neones still reading this or not im gna go on and explain them a little coz i need to get these thoughts down.
1."Am i now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am i trying to please men? If i were still trying to please men i would not be a servant of Christ." Gal 1:10
There's nothing i can do that will please everyone...so the only person i'm living to please is Christ coz only he truly wants the best for me.
2.Even if i may be confused about why things happen : I Will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. Ps 57
To put things in an achie way xD ->
Refuge: a state of safety; the condition of being protected agasint physical, social, spiritual damage.
wow..isnt it great how we can be safe in the shadow of God's wing?? until disaster has passed and we can get on with life normally again??...
3. " My heart if steadfast O God; my heart is steadfast.
I will sing and make music." Ps 57:7
Steadfast: fixed in direction; steadily directed; firm in purpose; unwavering
thats how i want to be!...unwavering in my faith! Being hot or cold but never lukewarm!! being the real me, steadily directed, no matter where i am or what time of day it is!!
4. I can do all things through christ that strengthens me...even love those that are hurting me!
So i guess since im not promising another blog anytime soon this should keep you all busy for sometime xD...Luv ya all ..Blessings...
xD my mum just walked in on me half asleep telling me to "Go to bed!!" xD..wooopss..see what blogs make u do?...type out ur thoughts till 1am! lol
