if plane rides where all as meaningful...

A dream last night reminded me of my blog and since i finally hav some time to spare amidst band rehearsals and going to the studio...i decided to update you all xD

So u probably all know we just came back from Soul survivor, the christian camp in england...and obviously i learnt so many things that i'll never end if i start telling you everything...so i just wanted to just let you all in on a couple of my thoughts related to the book i bought from there called "Shackles".

basically it's a biography of a woman who was abused by her dad who was an alcoholic and her mother who was very controlling and everntually by her husband who turned out to be exactly like her dad and then by her partner later on...and basically it broke my heart readin about women and children who are beaten and also verbally abused daily...whilst we live our lives and do nothing about it, letting them suffer in the shadows.
these lines really touched me and my personal life however:

"I believe it is a common survival technique that humans adopt; whenever we are hurting but have no permission to deal with our emotions we hide them underneath layers of tight covers, like the skin of an onion. It takes much time, love and patience to peel them away."

How true is that? how many of us have stopped crying infront of people becuase so many times we have been told to stop cyring and get a hold of ourselves...or to stop being babies..or something just as lame for that matter??...
the point im making is we are humans and do actually have to deal with our emotions... again...im not saying we should just mope in a sea of tears day after day without looking for solutions but neither should we hide them all the time to try be strong for someone else for example.
*hmm might have confused u all xD*
when i read that paragraph of my book i was on the plane and couldnt resist getting out my filepaper and journaling a bit...:

Thinking back I've realised
that on this trip God's taken
another layer of hurts, guilt and masks
away with Him..
and left me a free-er person.

Lke an onion, another layer of skin was removed!
So that now the real me..
the person under the layer of peel..
can be released.

Maybe there are more that have to be removed..
but i'm grateful
that i'm closer to being
the 'me' i was made to be.

it's like i knew all along
what You had planned for me
But i chose to do things
in a way that suited my pride.

little did i know that the more layers
i put on, the more layers
i'd have to take off..

thank you for having all the time in the world
all the love i'll ever need and
enough patience to see me through time and time again!

I could blab on forever but for once i'm agreeing that maybe if i write less this one point will be brought out more xD... Anyway..this wednesday we have a gig at the westin and i'm really looking forward to that..aaaand we started recording for our next [hopefully] album! =) I tried to film our rehearsals..coz there hilarious hours with sam, paul nd ivan and occasionaly mark, ben and steve xD where we write songs and practise written ones! but my camera broke!! so very sorry!

i'm gna leave u wit the end quote of the book i spoke about and my latest song which is a tad bit on the "sopy"-side.. xD but is a real cry from the bottom of my heart!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine as children do. it's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. and as we let our lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Lord this heart knows no other
This soul wont be satisfied.
These cracks slowly filled
Your light shining through

Take every thought, every word
make everything yours!
Humble me, break me
so my life can give glory toYou!

You broke your heart
so mine wont have to break.
You gave your life so
i can live eternally!

Take every thought, every word
make everything yours!
Humble me, break me
so my life can give glory toYou!

even through the brokennes
Even when the sun is shining bright
even if i need to scream
My song will remain..
that i love you, i love you
My one and only.

Take every thought, every word
make everything yours!
Humble me, break me
so my life can give glory toYou!


Blessings xD
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