If you had to flick through my journals nd thoughts...

Haven’t blogged much this year aye?
Well I got a cool journal for Christmas from Achie and Elaine…so I might as well update you all a bit on what’s being written inside it =P

12-1-09
I don’t seem to be stirring up enough trouble
Everywhere I go…
*I mean this in the most Christian way…*
I mean am I not meant to be bugging all the evil out there??
With my good? With my love and with my persistence? xD

I dream of doing something wild,
I hope I’ll never chicken out; back off.
I pray for divine interventions,
I know every stitch in my life is planned.

One in a million, but still precious.
Worse than them all but still loved.
Further; lower than ever
But I’m cleansed; treasured; kept safe
In the arms of the Almighty!

That was a random journal entry in the middle of January…Then a few days before I gave the talk at y4j xD...I got this mini “I-can’t-do-this” panic attack and ended up all pensive and somehow when I poured out my heart to God it looked something like this..

21-1-09
When I die I’d want people to know
That I was a helpless, struggling person…
I wouldn’t want to be idealized
Or praised for things I couldn’t manage…

I’d prefer them to see that in this hopeless world
God sustained me.
I can’t do anything everyone else can’t do…
Who wouldn’t cling to a person who only gives love?
Who accepts and blesses?
Who wouldn’t run into their Savior’s arms
When something hard faced them?

Only someone who has all this totally misunderstood…
And so for those I’ll pray that they could realize it’s a bit simpler
Than they thought...to find love.

Keep my heart alive God…
I can do all things: advance against a troupe
Get through test weeks…and maybe even give a talk.

“You, o lord, keep my lamp burning;
My God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troupe;
With my God I can scale a wall.” Ps 18:28-29

I know this is all a bit like random thoughts just placed here in no particular order...but they were just a few things I felt like writing about…This song sort of portrays how I feel…it’s quite random… I don’t think I ever totally understood it...but that’s why it’s so great...coz every time you hear it u can interpret it differently...and I think I’m like that...it takes a lot of thinking and getting to know me before I can be interpreted xD





I don’t want to drown in anything else but God’s love!


I started thinking about the parable of the sower last time…you know the farmer who scatters seeds on like the path, the rocky place, the soil, etc…

And it made me think about us in life… It’s so easy for the seed to be planted on the rocky places… where we hear about God and believe with joy…but we don’t have roots…it only lasts a short time. When troubles or bad days come along we quickly fall away.

The worries of the world and everything in it don’t allow us to keep our relationship with God growing and alive… and the thing about it is…faith’s like riding a bike…when you stop pedaling you fall off! When we stop praying daily or perhaps reading the bible or hearing music that has that positive getting-you-closer-to-God sort of message or hanging out with people that are spurring us on we fall away!

If we don’t grow roots into something real and “ta sustanz” *excuse the multi-languages xD* the next storm will blow us off the pathway into who knows where!!

The thing is so many bad influences are chucked at us every second of our days that we have to take control of influencing ourselves with good things to, not just keep a balance but, over power the bad influences with good influences to become better people! Does that make any sense? xD

Storms come without warning
Furiously sweeping over us.
Sometimes You remain asleep
Will we drown?

Why are we so afraid?
Where’s our faith?
Even the winds and the waves obey you!


Yet throughout the ages
Over and over again
People have prayer
“Why do you stand far off?”
“Why do you hide yourself…
In times of trouble?”(Ps10:1-15)

So you came to calm the waters
To be closer to us than ever before
The needy will not be forgotten
You will remember the helpless.


A couple of days ago this paragraph jumped out at me from the book I’m reading “Will The Real Me Please Stand Up”.

“In any case, it is no doubt much better for me to tell you of my anger or hurt and to confront or openly challenge you. I know that I would rather have you be open with me. I would rather have your anger, hurt or challenge out in the open where we can deal with it.

The only alternative is to leave me guessing,
And to leave you bottling up your thoughts and feelings.
Again, what we don’t speak out we act out.
So if you don’t level with me,
Your suppressed thoughts and feelings
Will probably take the form of pouting, distancing or wall building.

Whatever is not openly expressed in a relationship becomes a subtle force of destruction.”

And it’s scarily true! This past week I’ve noticed sometimes I start acting weird because I would have bottled up something rather than shared it and sorted it out! And it’s destroying us! Bottling up is ruining us and our relationships and our lives!! So I challenge you all to speak out,get things out in the open, rather than act out! It’s true it may include stepping out of our comfort zones for a while but it actually is worth it.

Another random prayer just to help you all understand me and my confused-ness at times:

Desperately clinging onto
What seems to be a piece of
Hay in a hay stack

Everything’s slipping right through my fingers..
When I cling to You, you prove to be
A solid rock that I can depend on…

When the world lets me down and
Pushes me off cliffs claiming
They’re helping me reach the top of mountains…

I realize that there truly is nothing
As secure as you and so
I can only find my self-worth in you..

I don’t need to care about people who
Push, pull and claim they own me
And are my main influence.

You, you, you
How can I lose my target?
Why can the world bug me so much?

I wish I can be alone with you in the world...
And not let anyone influence me
Or try pull me away!...

Why’s everyone fighting...
Let me be!...Alone.
With the fullness of my God and His love and care!

Well...I’m looking at what I wrote and thinking it doesn’t make much sense but hey…you may enjoy randomness and I promise next blog will be more structured and point-full =P *ma I have such a disease of having to be orderly and productive aye?* xD
Latest scraps of songs that I’m working on..


Verse 1:
I need somewhere to go
Somewhere to know
Somewhere to be
Where I can be me

Verse 2:
I’ll find that secret place
But I need your grace
To run a mile more
Till I find you’re for
Loving me…

Chorus:
I’ll come to You coz
Wrapped in your arms
Is where I’ll be safe
I’ll give my life up to you.
Jesus I’ll run to You
Close to your heart
Is where I’m made whole
I’ll give me life up to You.

Verse 3:
I can’t find an escape
A hiding place
Other than You
Where I can be new

Chorus:
I’ll come to You coz
Wrapped in your arms
Is where I’ll be safe
I’ll give my life up to you.
Jesus I’ll run to You
Close to your heart
Is where I’m made whole
I’ll give me life up to You.



The other one’s in the basement and I’m not going to go for it...it’s too cold and late xD
I think I’ll leave you with that google thing everyone was doing xD...

Bettina needs to go. I guess he's hot for her, but still. She and her family are still WAY too hung up on ex-husband.

Bettina looks like this character sometimes used in horror movies...where they appear to be innocent sweet old ladies but end up being mad and dangerous :-)) I am sure she isn't but in the films they always look just like this.

Bettina says Beethoven did indeed frequently speak and think of his genious, recognizing in it a higher revelation and placing it above any philosophy, ...

Bettina does coffee

Bettina wants to put these extensive networking and marketing skills to work for you.

Bettina hates camels

Bettina asks the question we've all been wondering: Why the heck did he give her a rose after the way her family treated him

Bettina likes to keep fit by going to the gym, walking and swimming and also likes to relax by going to the beach and the movies, shopping and socializing

Bettina eats a cherry or two, Fred and Octavius get cameras in their face

Bettina wears leopard skin mask by Victoria Grant at Coco de Mer, 'The rest of my outfit is second hand.

Accused of intelligence with the West, Bettina was arrested in 1984, and presented to a young Stasi officer, Jan, for questioning

Bettina Loves a Soldier.