I've waited so long for this perfect setting - a quiet dark house, a gentle sea breeze, a pretty view of lights reflecting on the water and the stars in the sky, and soft,relaxed music playing in the background, (an apple in my hands xD) - so now that this moment has arrived i couldn't help but attempt blogging out some of my thoughts!
So i've been on this crazy roller coaster ride this past month thinking about my future and all that...(hmmm you may all be dreading me goin on about my life and dilemmas but who knows...someone out there might relate to something)...It's been a mix between chasing my dreams no matter what and thinking logically; doing God's will and just going for what seems to be my easy way out...Continuing to persevere or giving up what seems pointless...
The other day i was on the bus and the Bidnija feilds inspired me to write this...
"It's not about becoming famous or earning as much as I can...
It's not even about reaching my full "intelligent" potential...
Somehow it has to be all about You and Your will...
About furthering your kingdom and making Your glory increase
whilst forgetting my own.
It's about making an impact,
being in the right place at the right time...
all about changing lives slowly but surely.
Can i do that? Show me how..."
So i haven't reached any conclusions but I'm keeping all my options open and I;m goin to attempt trying my hardest in my A's whether I have to go in for medicine, pharmacy, a songwriting school, a classical music school or a gap year doing some other random thing!
Another of my laments lately sounded like this.... *awaiting some emo comments from Paul and brooks but hey i think i;ll live xD*
I need you to understand that nobody understands...
everything has changed..
things are always changing and there's no such thing
as a perfect past or a future too dull...
On another note...xD lately i;ve been reading and thinking about words...the power they have to break people, build people, heal or cheer, put down or encourage, kill or bring to life...etc. I mean how long do words linger in someone's heart? How far can kind words take someone?
I've been wondering why we would never carelessly fling a lit match out of a car window while passng a forest and yet many times we carelessly chuck fiery words as we pass through life.
Some quotes that got me thinking were these....
How many people stop because so few say "Go"!
A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day.
Words- so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become, in the hands of one who knows how to combine them!
Ok so this is getting extremely long but if you have any energy in you left give this a read...now or later is fine with me xD...it's sort of dedicated to my D-group and may be a bit vague to people who don't really know me but hey:
I can so clearly remember thinking about what first made me move away from people and not trust...And when I did recall it my D-group where all there listening, asking questions and showing love.
After I explained my situation with my mother, family and friends with alot of tears and sniffling, I looked up to see many of the girls listening, also in tears or hunched positions on Nikky's big bed. Then she said the phrase that's still ringing in my ears to this day, with watery eyes... "I'm hurting with you. I'm feeling your pain and what you explained."
They've stuck...her words, full of sensitivity and compassion stuck with me...they still mean so much to me. That someone would try and succeed at feeling what I felt. Perhaps it's true...there's no better thing to say than "I'm hurting with you."
World...I know you've been through so much...So much I can't fathom...So much I'm sure I'll never understand, feel or even witness...but I'm hurting with you!
When nobody sees what's going on and there's way too much piled up...i want to be hurting with you...I'm trying to feel your pain and enter your world!
And thinking about it...my God did that too...He came down to earth and went through what we did so that he could say those all important words..."I'm hurting with You."
"World, I'm hurting with you!"