Monday, April 13, 2009

If i were at the centre of it...

Not expecting any of you to read right through this in one go...but wen ur tired of studying come read some more...xD these are a couple of the thoughts i've had in the past month..nd i thought i'd share...


4-3-09

I will pull closer; the winds won’t cause me to drift away…
The stress won’t wear my strength out…for I have no strength
But I can do all things through the strength
Of the God living within me!

“God our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
We will not fear, though the earth gives way
And the mountains fall into the heart of the sea…
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
He lifts his voice; the earth melts.” Ps. 46:1-3, 5-6


Will I work off my thoughts…?
Or busy my day? So that not one minute is left for Your input?
Will distractions forever bombard me like a hailstorm?

Little things still pinch my heart. Grown up but broken down.
I’m not allowed to melt….
The hard shell exterior is for some reason
Still wanted by the dying, deteriorating world.

Your love is more beautiful than ever; It can satisfy.

You remain a mighty storm in my frailest days…
Even though emotions can be brittle, breakable flowers,
And feelings are presented in bright colours,
Hiding truths and lessons in dull shadows.

I want to know You. I want to make my heart right;
To get my self-worth firmly grounded into a reservoir of Your acceptance.
Form my character; don’t left it be put in the world’s cookie-cutter;
I want to boldly stand out! I don’t want to be formed by a worldly form.

I don’t want to stand out as the one who has it all but as the one
Who received it all from the One who gives it all!
As I crumble, I cry, I need your love if I’m expected to give any!
I need your grace; your boldness; your honesty and Your willingness to sacrifice!

I’m going to be still, to stop and know that You are God…
In an empty house; a maddening life and a busy schedule…
This silence reminds me You’re near…
This peace assures me Your strength will never leave me!


16-03-09
Lord, You thought of even me…You think of even me!
You gave all to me; for me..
And I have nothing to offer back!
Nothing can I give Lord…but a broken heart
And a couple of tears…
Some hours of work and a bit of my time…
Take my feelings of helplessness…
Make something good of my messes and stupid moves.
My stupid motives and fixations…
All the lies I’ve chosen to believe…
Please free me form them all!
In you I find perfect love…
And perfect love drives out all fear!


19-03-09
There’s a heaviness in my soul..
A cry that no one has yet heard of…
A sadness for this world that fades..
Without knowing the truth.

Tears from an unborn child or dying patient
That have gone unheard for so long…
People have shut out so many truths…
To believe things that lead them to dark, lonely places.

They’ve become oblivious to Your sacrifice.
We live thinking we have conqoured the world..
We fall believing we’ll never get back up…
Your offering gets pushed aside.

Your gift of grace and forgiveness is greater than life
But we still choose to live life without it!

I’m not sure how much I can do…
I can’t explain myself let alone who You are!
I’m helpless and afraid but I give You full control.
I want to do this not because there is no other option…
But because You are my best option!


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I get these feelings of inferiority every time…
May I face them…deal with them…and overcome them
With the strength of my God!

My soul is not complete in being the best or being perfect…only in You.
Not in creating the most beautiful symphonies or writing the best lyrics…only in You.
Not in reaching the top; knowing the most or being in charge…only in You.
Not in perfecting my face, my body, my health or my clothes…only in You.
I won’t be loved more or loved less If I was ideal; a hero; perfect.
I’m loved AS IS…by the King of the Universe…the King of my soul and my world!


So this is it…my feelings on display…
For all to see…and to know they are not alone
And you are the one who can help them overcome.
It’s all for your glory!



21-03-09

It’s a bit overwhelming
Yet there’s nothing I could want more
To pass on what I’ve learned
And to have people embrace it.

24-03-09
It’s funny or maybe just predictable…
It’s all unseen and the only thing one can do is assume…
It’s all been worked on before but it was secretly suffered…
Diving into the unknown of success or failure…
With the “will it help?” question unanswered.
The ones who caused it applaud it…
The tears turn to smiles and polite “Thank You’s”
…and I’m not even sure that’s a good thing....


25-03-09
Like smoke I’m blown away by the wind
Like wax before the fire I melt…

26-03-09
I wish I could put words to my wondering
Tunes to my thoughts…


27-03-09
We try to elevate ourselves by putting others down…
But at the end of the day people will think highly of us
When we lift others up…not when we put them down!

28-03-09

Misunderstood..
Leading to frustration..
Leading to actions that are unthought-of and unplanned; unwanted…
Actions leading to hurts and hurts to fights…
Leading to more eruptions all dwindling further and further and further from the root.
But what is the root of the problem?
Is there one specific thing we can point the blame at?
Or is it a web of intertwined lives, conversations and circumstances…
Words that injure come from the injured
Words full of love come from the ones who know they are loved…


I could take everything that happened in life and blame it on something in the past…
And I could go back and even further back…
But will I ever get anywhere?
Or does it all start the day we were born?
When our imperfect selves entered the world…
Help me to forgive…not to blame.
To continue loving…not to pay back.
To do good…not to blow up.


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When I wonder where the ears that care seem to be,
I sometimes find myself walking lonely through a maze…
Simply searching solitarily…
And I could search forever because I’m never to be fully understood.
Nobody’s been through the exact things I have…
So nobody’s character was formed the way mine has…
So nobody can fully understand me.
I’m constantly changing…
Sometimes I can’t even catch up with myself let alone…
But…God…Lord…You understand…don’t you?




29-3-09
Why do we think putting people down lifts us up?
Makes us higher? ...When in fact it’s the opposite!
When we put others down they think of us more lowly…
When we encourage and lift others up they think more highly of us…
So what’s fooled us?
Into thinking being the best; the highest…will make us happiest?

You were right…who is first comes last…
And who’s is last will come first.




Give me faith for the rocky times…
To hold on and remain trusting You can lead me
And see me through!
I want to return home…
To a place I feel comfortable, safe and understood…
I want to runaway from anything that pushes me out of my comfort zone…
I wish simplicity would reign sometimes in the world
But this attitude can’t be right…
“Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, o God.
You are my help and my deliverer o Lord, do not delay.” Ps. 70:5




31-3-09

Sometimes I feel like I’m screaming silently
Wondering I’m left…waiting; wallowing
Helpless I remain hoping haphazardly

My life seems to lack order and a plan
Directions are sometime accepted but
More often than not pushed off…

I claim I don’t like being told what to do…
But some days deciding for myself is the hardest.
Tick me off the list world…
My ideas are finished…my originality has run dry…
God’s my only inspiration…and motivation
Tick me off the list…
You don’t need to waste your time on me
You’ve done enough good deeds for the week…
I’ll survive alone with my Jesus.







2-04-09
You got me from silent dark places
To brighter ones…
I don’t know how you got me through the harder years…
And I’m not sure if I’ve grown up or toughened up…
And which is best?
Did my heart mature or grow cold?
As I lie here in the dark tonight I feel your peace
Coz I know you’re in control even though
I’m not certain as to where I’m going…
But I can’t help remember the nights I spent
Hurting, crying, alone and misunderstood by the world…
How’d that happen?
To someone who seemed to have such a perfect life from the outside…I wonder…
Maybe it’s coz we’re all the same…
Maybe we all cry and get ticked off lists after all.

There are so many things battling inside me…
There’s a war going on and my soul’s screaming
Being pushed and pulled and torn apart!
My head’s spinning as I try to make heads and tails
Of what exactly is going on!
Is this the distress you saved me from?
As comments, words, people and the past
Swirl around my mind…
I’m the one left with the decision…
What to keep and what to leave behind!
Don’t go…stay with me here…
Surround me anew with the comfort
I once so well knew!


So many things led to my conversion…
It’s not even funny how I spent months on little sleep…
Making sure I played the part of a peaceful resting child every night
As my parents would walk in to check if all was alright…
So many things built it up…
So many brought it down!
Everything is so clear once again…
It’s like I’m reliving those moments
Of hiding and fear of my family and friends!
I offer my prayers tonight for anyone
Feeling this way at the moment!
Take away there pain!


5-4-09
I wish I could spend days walking; thinking;
Running; praying; escaping into wide open spaces.

A breath of fresh air; a beam of sunlight;
A flowery scent; a song of a bird…
Something brightens up my day…
Something urges me to hold on and run on.

I’m going to live loud; give me your enthusiasm!
With your power, love and energy I will reach out!
I’m not living for pleasure for myself…
I’m living to serve You and others…
In the most extravagant way possible
Make me bold; hold my heart; take my emotions.
Give me your peace…your love…and a passion
For more of You!
You are my freedom; You are my rest!

“I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
At night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.
I thought about the former days,
The years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired.” Ps.77:1-2,6


They should all know if they long to do something or be someone
They should get down to it now!
Don’t wait for tomorrow…don’t wait for the perfect person to arrive
And make you better…
Go to God and get down to it now!
Don’t think when you’ve found the perfect
Friend, relative or partner then you’ll work on being happy
And content and enthusiastic about your life!
Seize the moment…
before you live to regret it!


6-04-09

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, my rock and my redeemer!” Ps.19:14




9-4-09
I want an undivided heart...
To be one-track minded…
To stay with you here tonight…
Just to be…
Just to receive…
Just to give you my full attention…
I just want to stay…here with You forever
Stay…here in Your arms where I’m safe…
Where all my worthless feelings
Are scared away by the knowledge
Of your love that drives it all away.
My heart is whole when it’s in You!

May I be at the centre of Your will for me.

3 comments:

maria angela said...

wow really beautiful prayers bett!!
i really loved "And perfect love drives out all fear" and the poem of the 28th march, and d last prayer especially!! cause i could relate to them and i thank you for sharing them :) gave me courage!
tc dear :) xxx blessings!

Bettina said...

thanks mar! =)...ur comment is equally encouraging! xD xxxx

BeCk said...

took me forever to read that, but i'm really glad i did, some things really got me thinking and others really helped, so much so that when i got to the end i was upset and i wanted there to be more for me to read. you have such a brilliant talent for writing, and playing the piano, and so many other things and i really find it amazing and i really admire you for using these talents as a means of worshipping God
Gb bet ^^ cu sat, tc x